Keep Smiling

Keep smiling when your sun isn't shining
When you feel like you want to cry
Lift up your pain to Jesus
It's one of the reasons he had to die

Keep smiling when life gets tough
It's through the rough times you learn
To lean on Jesus instead of yourself
For some of us it takes years to discern

Keep smiling when a friend lets you down
It's not because they don't care
Look beyond your disappointment
Get on your knees and say a prayer

Keep smiling because God loves you
He wants you to smile not frown
He sent his son Jesus for your joy and strength
Won't you pass the blessing around?

Heartstrings Two, Copyright © 2008 by Library of Congress

Grace and a Fishing Pole

Once upon a time, a preacher told his congregation a story about an English professor and a student. It seems the professor was wearing a hat in class this day and one of his students had a notion to throw a rock at him, to try and knock his hat off his head. Unfortunately, the student, in his aim, missed the hat and the rock hit the professor’s head. Instead of punishing the student for his actions toward him, the professor gave him a fishing pole. Then he asked him, “Do you know what grace is?” And the student said, “A fishing pole?” …And there was silence in the congregation…It was a sweet story and one worth pondering. He could have given him what he deserved, but he gave him what he needed. The student deserved to be punished, but he got grace. The professor showed the boy who Jesus was when he did that. That is why I like the story. The boy threw a rock. Stones were thrown in the Bible and Jesus is the rock. Isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He took our punishment on the cross and showed us the greatest act of grace, when he died a terrible death of crucifixion. When you die that way you suffocate to death. Every time you try to lift up your body to breathe, but you can’t breathe, therefore you suffocate. It had to have been an agonizing death. Jesus loved us that much. God came down from heaven in the form of a man Jesus and walked among us and paid our “sin debt” on a lonely cross. I love him so very much and I want to serve him for the rest of my life for what he did for me. Help me Jesus to keep my eyes on you always claiming the word over my life. Jesus said, “Greater things you will do in my name.” The professor did a great thing for the boy; he taught him the love of Jesus. Jesus, who never sinned, died for all sinners, the greatest act of grace and the unmerited favor and love of God. "It is finished," three words that mean so much. Jesus' work here on Earth was done. He came to die for us and our sins. What do we owe him? What should be our response? That is the ultmate GRACE...
(excerpt from my Bible journal, April 12, 2006)

Orchids and Love

I think of love to be like
an orchid blooming.
What begins as a tiny bud
builds in intensity
and grows in its fullness thereof,
then begins the flower
which opens slowly
with each petal yielding
to the light of day.
Then, all of a sudden,
without any notice,
the flower appears
in full bloom.
What could not be
seen with the eye
has happened with
the stroke of God's hand.

Heartstrings Two, Copyright © 2008 by Library of Congress

Love

People use the word love so loosely; with me it has a greater meaning. For me to love is to feel deeply for another. I don't take it lightly. When I open my heart and really love someone and show them with deep affection, I get hurt if I see it being treated casually. To me when two people really love each other it should be like taking care of a precious flower like a rose with just the right amount of nurturing and viewed in “awe” like it's really special, never taking it for granted. For when we take things for granted they wither and die just like a rose. It needs living water, light, nourishment and most especially treated with respect. A rose is a symbol of love. People place it in churches, in weddings, in hospitals, in funerals, on crosses; many times given to someone they love. If it's not treated with respect then it's just another flower among many others. So is the way of true love. It should stand out, be treated with respect. The way I feel is that I'd rather be alone as a rose than to be seen as just another flower. To me to love someone is to be in “awe” of them, with deep respect as one loves God. I believe in my heart that this kind of love does exist and it's the kind that I want before my life is over. I hope and pray that I will find it.

Heartstrings Two, Copyright © 2008 by Library of Congress

Chapel in my heart

There's a chapel in my heart
where I can always go and find rest
the pews are filled with angels
he calls them all blessed...

When life's troubles surround me
I only need close my eyes and go there
to the chapel in my heart
where he hears my every prayer...

I often sit and listen
to what he has to say
in the chapel in my heart
where I often pray...

And when I am rejoicing
in the Savior's love
I can go to the chapel in my heart
and be filled with his love...

Heartstrings Two, Copyright © 2008 by Library of Congress

Have you ever met an angel?

Lynn, my sister was my angel. She taught me one of the most important lessons in her twenty-three years on Earth, to live life to the fullest, savoring every moment. She acquired kidney disease at the age of ten in 1969 and because little was known about the disease she was put on bed rest and left to die. But, Lynn had much more to teach us all and the Heavenly Father knew her mission was not complete. We found hope for her condition at Boston Children's Hospital where she would be one of the first dialysis patients and kidney transplant recipients. My father was to be the donor in 1972. The kidney worked well for one year and then rejected. Then it was back to three times a week, four hours treatments, 120 miles round trip for the next several years. While I was attending high school, I would drive her to her treatments when I could, to help my mother out. I was a year ahead of her in school. I learned many lessons while being in the hospital at such a young age, one of them being what real strength is. One of Lynn's favorite bookmarks read "I am not afraid, God's love does away with my fears." She was so very close to the Lord and loved Jesus with all her heart. When she was young she sang in the cherub choir at church. Lynn attended high school; after school she had a tutor, Marie. She eventually asked her to baby-sit her two small children one of them she had named after Lynn. They became very close and stayed friends. There would be "Big Lynn and Little Lynn." The girls looked up to her. Even with a tutor it was stated that Lynn wouldn't graduate but she did and went on to a two year college, dialysis in between at a local hospital and she lived at the college dormitory making lots of new friends. She graduated with a degree in Aviation consumer management. She was so very happy through all of her life and never showed anyone her distress. One of her favorite things to do was to sit in her room and read or listen to music, usually the Carpenters, "Close to You" or "We've Only Just Begun," her special songs. She moved to the University of New Hampshire campus in Durham and found an apartment and lived on her own after college and being a seemingly normal existence, working at Montgomery Wards in the mall and was doing very well. She was dependent on the dialysis machine for more that half of her life, but that didn't stop her and she almost left us on several occasions. After waiting eleven years for a kidney she called me one day early in the morning to my apartment and said, "They found me a kidney." I've never heard such joy. This was to be the beginning of the end for her. She received a cadaver donor kidney from a motorcycle accident victim in April 1983 and was doing so very well. She had such a beautiful countenance; her face glowed in the radiance of an angel. A little over a month later, my mom came home and said Lynn was having some seepage from the kidney into the abdomen which would require surgery. This was the turning point in her recovery. My dad's only sister's daughter Desiree was to be getting married and it was suggested that I go and represent the family. On the way to the airport I said "Dad, could we go to the hospital and see Lynn before I catch my plane?" He said, "There is not enough time." I was never to see my sister alive again. During the week I was there, I felt an urgency to call the hospital, call it instinct, but I believe it to be divine. I asked to speak to my sister and then found out she was in at the intensive care unit. They put her on the phone and she sounded so weak, but she spoke to me and I am so grateful, as these were our last words together. I called home and asked my parents to tell me if Lynn was on the critical list. She had acquired a fungal infection and now was on antibiotics to try and make her well again. It was decided that Lynn would want me to be at the wedding and then to come home the next day. I returned Sunday and was driven straight to the hospital to see her lying there on the machines and unconscious. It was not the way I had left her. My other sister Brenda told me that I should hold her hand and she would speak to Lynn and tell her I was there. They say that hearing is the last sense to go when someone is dying, so I talked to her and played her favorite music on our next two visits. I remember carrying my Bible and searching for scriptures for comfort on the way to the hospital, all of us in the car on the way so quiet, not knowing what to say. My parent's anniversary was the day before. We feel now that Lynn waited to pass on. We left the hospital on that Monday night at 8:30pm and after being home only about an hour we were called by the attending nurse who told us Lynn had died peacefully in her sleep. I had gone to a friends to inform them that she was in stable condition. When I drove up to the house, and got out I heard hysterical crying and I knew right then what had happened. I'm sad that she's no longer with us on Earth but know that her spirit lives on. She had such joy before she left us. She got the gift of life, but now eternal life. I'll never forget her and what she taught me. She loved Jesus and the 23rd Psalm," The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." She didn't live in fear, but loved life and lived it to the fullest. Her purpose was fulfilled, to come here and teach many lessons, and touch souls for him our Heavenly Father. Her death changed my life. I will always be thankful for my sweet angel of a sister, Lynn (written 2002).

Postscript (written 2009)

When my sister died tragically at the age of 23, I cried for the first fifteen years. I began writing grieving poetry, like "Why, oh why did you have to die, and oh how it hurts to cry." And my heart hurt so. And even though I was raised in church and the seed of faith had been planted, it needed to grow. I didn't understand. And then one day, I heard on Christian radio, during a John MacCarthur broadcast (Grace to You) that when someone dies their spirit goes immediately into the presence of the Lord. And then I thought, why should I be sad, she's in a better place. And she suffered a lot. And years later, a professor taught us about the center, periphery and liminal space. And how one can be both. And I went home and pondered it deeply. And I applied that knowledge to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And I drew a circle and put them all in their places, including angels. And I saw right then that God is everywhere and if my sister is with God and he is everywhere, then she is right with me because I love God too. And I do believe in angels and I think she was one. She loved deeply and while here taught others how to love. And love is always sacrifice. She went to be with the Lord and I love her, and I miss her, but I know that she is with me. I am not sad now. I see her face in the flowers, and I hear her voice singing in the cherub choir along with the birds. And when the sun sets, the colors remind me of her smile..
(In memory of my sister Lynn Janice Cloutier, 6/1/59-5/17/83)
This inspirational story is an excerpt from my chapbook titled, "Heartstrings," a collection of poems and stories.
Copyright © 2002 by Library of Congress

The Whisper of God

I sense a need to travel
to Loggerhead
and sit alone with only
my book to read
of post civil war-time folktales.
I sit here on a bench,
a donation of two strangers,
their names engraved on it.
I watch what seems to be
an angry ocean with a strong wind,
forcing the waves to crash the shoreline.
I find it strange at noon
the beach so desolate except
for a few sandpipers running about
on what is left of the sand.
I see the beach being washed away,
with every wave the shoreline eroding
but even in its midst,
pelicans fly by me, never alone
a group of five, then two.
The sight leaves me in awe
A flock of pigeons, ten in all
land in unison, in V formation.
Passersby greet me, and I them.
They all come in single file.
The last one came on a three wheel bike
with his cane in tow and a camera.
We talk and he tells me of his sorrows
and how an accident left him many years ago
unable to walk as he wished he could
a brain injury, no fault of his own,
and how the days are long
except for the taking of pictures
of birds sometimes from the pier.
I hear in his voice helplessness,
like the beach might feel
at the loss of its sand.
I listen and offer a word of hope.
It is at this moment
I hear the whisper of God,
and a mourning dove comes to rest
on a vine nearby.
A Bible verse comes to mind
of a healing at a pool.
I share of God's love for all, and
in this moment all nature is silent,
the waves have now hushed.
The young man gathers himself up
to leave, but this time he smiles
as he struggles to reach his bike.
I see the waves crash the shoreline
and the birds begin to fly, but mostly
a sense of calm, not there before.
I bow my head to pray
my soul is at peace once again.

Heartstrings Two, Copyright © 2008 by Library of Congress