My tear stained pillow

I've been lonely
most of my life
when I needed to be held
I hugged my tears in the night

I wake up with no one beside me
in the dark room I lay
It's four o'clock in the morning
how I wish for love today

Love in a family
is what's passed down
there may not be enough
love to go around

So I'll hug my pillow
and hang onto my tears
cause loneliness is the only love
I've known all these years.
Note
This poem was written before I found Jesus who healed that empty place and who is always there for me and now I don't have to feel lonely anymore.

911 Story

On September 11th my day began as usual, up around 6:15 am to see my daughter off to school and then to sit down with my Bible and a cup of coffee. As I lingered over my reading in Psalms I couldn’t seem to shake a “profound sense of sadness” and began to weep. I decided to pause and call a friend in Maine, we help each other, both divorced single moms with one daughter. I placed a call at 655 am to her work place and we chatted. I then decided to go for my morning jog. As I went outside to my patio I noticed two Chicago peace roses were perfect to be cut, they weren’t ready the day before. This bush was put in the ground many years ago, so it’s a rare sight to get beautiful roses still and they were side-by-side and identical. I walked outside to start my jog and looked up and saw a beautiful rainbow. I remember thinking to myself by not coming out when I did I might have missed this! As I was jogging I ran by my neighbor who also grows roses and I told him about my two that were beautiful. Upon returning home, as I was walking up my sidewalk I almost couldn’t believe it; in my butterfly garden I saw three unique species of butterflies, a rare sight. Once in awhile I might see one but this is what I’d hoped for someday. They were so pretty and I watched them for a few moments thinking, my patience had paid off, they’d found my garden! As I went inside the patio I decided to cut the roses before they opened anymore and then I noticed my very first flower on my bleeding heart vine. I was once again amazed at all the blessings of they day! A bleeding heart flower is white and has two red flowers in the center of the white. So I thought I would let my friend know with a quick call back that I was feeling better now. That call was placed at 8:33 am. It was through a phone call I learned of the tragic events of the day and had to turn on the television to see what I, like many others couldn’t believe. It wasn’t until days later I learned that my parents always flew Flight #11 American Airlines from Boston to Los Angeles every September to see his sister who lives in Palm Springs. He had said it was too expensive to go this year. Also, in 1982 I had dined in the World Trade Center at “Windows of the World.” Before the attack I had told my minister I was sad with the way the world was going. I’m happy that we’ve drawn together. To me the good far outweighs the bad, not to minimize everyone’s losses. My sister’s death in 1983 affected me in a profound way and I truly believe I became a better person because of it. I’d like to close in saying this, in a symbolic way as when they rolled the stone and Jesus was not there, I’d like to think in the same way that the people that haven’t been found in the World Trade Center have risen and become angels. It’s a nice thought, isn’t it? If anything I’ve said can help someone in their grief, I’d be honored by that, but more importantly give God the glory. God Bless you. Note: my rose bush died after the last two rose bloomed.
(Heartstrings, a collection of poems and stories copyright 2002 Library of Congress)

A Wild Mustang Named Star

Got a sweet story to tell you. It is about how I met some country folks, here in Smithfield, North Carolina. On a trip to Maine from Florida, I had stopped over in this town and stayed overnight in a lodge. One night, I took a walk down a long country road, and a dog followed me home. Her name was Precious. She happened to be a boxer, and she brought three people together before she left this earth. They wanted me to come and visit again, and being as it is at a time in my life, where I am trying to find out where the good Lord would have me to live, it seemed fitting to come now. The peacocks, who were on top of the barn seemed to remember me. An animal never forgets it when someone feeds them...I noticed a new horse named Star. It seems that she was rescued from a family who had not been taking good care of her. She was of a beautiful dark brown coat, though thin, and I found out, not trusting of people. My friend told me that she had originated from the outer banks of the Carolinas. I went on over to her and I held out my hand, and she moved over to the other side of the fence and put her head down. In that moment, I felt sad for that horse. You see, I have had a hard time in my life trusting people, and I knew just how that horse felt. You love people and they hurt you. Right there, I wept a few tears as I thought to myself, that I had been like her. But my Jesus, he showed me that if I would just place my trust in him, he would fill that empty place. So, I went into the house and peeled about eight apples. I decided that I was going to try and feed Star. I put those apple peelings on my hand and I waited for her to come right on over at my coaxing, but she did not right away. She looked at it, all the while looking at me with that look of distrust. So, I had a thought to toss it to the ground to have her see that I was trying to feed her, and she would see that it was good, and then we would start building up some trust between the two of us. And I talked to her in a sweet voice. Well, next thing you know, I was standing there and she was eating out of my hand. And I just loved the way she took it so gracefully and how she nuzzled my hand, and the feeling of what had been accomplished between us. We worked up to carrots, and noodles, and I must say the man of the house was quite surprised, since she would not eat out of his hand, and when I go over to her stall now, she comes right on over to see me. She is learning to trust me, and I sure like it when she caresses my hand so soft and sweet, and I remember when I was a little girl back on the farm in Appleton, Maine, when I first learned how to trust a horse.